I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
