I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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