I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
