I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
