Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
