I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
