final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
