she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
