if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
