Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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