I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
