I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
