my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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