she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
