Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
