Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
