Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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