We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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