did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
