Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
