I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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