i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
3pm strippers are depressing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
