Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I touched a dick in church today
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
