Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
A bitchslap is in order.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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