dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
