I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize