Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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