Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
