Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
