At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i dont even know how to be here
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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