oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize