these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
