I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
