Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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