1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
