I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
