walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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