So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You left your phone here
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