That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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