I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
