I don't think brook has ever known best
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
