maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
