I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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