tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
