3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
These tits shall not be calmed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
