lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
