her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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