I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
