where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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