I just threw up on my dentist
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
