This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
