I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
