Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
