Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize