are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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