omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
