maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
