just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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