Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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