Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
