I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it was like eating out sand paper
Sober January is a disaster.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
