at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
