Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
