My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
