i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Randomize
