so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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