Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
