Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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