Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You left your phone here
Wait...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
