My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
