your thong is hanging out like whoa
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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