Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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