I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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