There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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