she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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