i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize