You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
