She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize