Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
