Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Randomize
