Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
