I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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