i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
