Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
