Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
