Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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