I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize