Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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