I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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