# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
