I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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