Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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