ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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