I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
