i jhust puked up my retainher.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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