sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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