Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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