lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
