your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
