We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
